Hey Marleen! I love your columns, so great to finally meet you.

“Thank you. Anything for my loyal readers.”

I’ve been a huge fan of your work for years now. I think it’s freaking awesome to see how your persona has developed from the early columns – when you were simply writing about your mom on a bike, your fishes on vitamins, and similar slice of life happenings – towards the later columns, wherein you are talking about your view on advertising. And how socially inept you feel in the industry you want so desperately to be accepted in, for that matter.

“I hear you.”

You’ve obviously changed. I mean, can you imagine; you used to write about how it’s best to use toilet paper. And look at you now; you actually analyze toilet paper commercials!

“That is an interesting observation, yeah.”

Was there something particular that triggered this amazing transition?

“Yipperdy-yep there was. Actually, the switch-nipple had been tickled years before this transition.”

Please, do tell.

“Well. Ever since supermarket chain Albert Heijn introduced their ad character in 2004, the now omni-present and very well-known supermarket manager – played by Harry Piekema – I have been an obsessed fan of his. I mean, the man is amazing; he sings, dances, builds pyramids with tuna-cans and tampons, and juggles with air-fresheners in his commercials. He not only makes daily shopping worthwhile, he also has enriched my life tremendously.”

Yeah? You feel that way?

“For real. And, to be honest, it was Harry Piekema who changed the theme of my columns. In fact, he made me change my career.”

WOW! What? Why? How?!

“I wanted to touch this guy, smell him, be as close to him as possible. He made me decide to look for a job in advertising.”

That’s amazing… But how did you handle this extreme switch-around in your career?

“Well, I assumed it would be a challenging job. I mean, of course it would be vastly different from working at the Daily Family Blog. But what I did was actually pretty simple. First I got a job at the agency working for Albert Heijn. Then I tried to date the RTV-producer. I bought some short leopard-print-skirts, slept 14 hours a night, ate boiled cabbage with a side of poached cabbage for months, just to look at my prettiest.”

Smart!

“Thanks. But the producer was a girl and not very open minded.”

Douche..

“Yup. So then I moved closer towards the core of the Albert Heijn account. I ambushed the Account Director while he was refilling his coffee in the pantry. From then on it was a walk in the park.”

Was it? Where are you are right now in achieving your goal?

“Well…

[drum roll and at least three minutes of playing the air guitar]

…as of today I proudly announce to have been granted the position of extra in one of the Albert Heijn commercials!”

No?! What an accomplishment!

“Hell yes. From blogging about bullshit to playing in a commercial with the most attractive ad character that has ever lived. I could die happy right now.”